As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been making several changes in my life recently. I’ve been doing well. I tried my first casserole last weekend, and did quite well–I’ve eaten it every night for dinner and I’m nowhere near tired of it. Of course, I added about two pounds more cheese than the recipe calls for. (Have I mentioned that I love cheese? I love cheese.)
I’ve been going to the gym, every night after I get off of work. And, of course, I’ve been making an effort, with good results, to write more.
All of this has taken a toll on my body–most of it is good. But. Working so hard, and doing so much, leaves me with less time to sleep, and in need of more rest than usual. For a while I simply made up for it on the weekends, and invested in some caffeine during the week to avoid falling asleep at my desk. That worked, for a while.
I’ve had a few partials lately, one of which resulted in a fall down the stairs. Naturally, my arms were full, and naturally, it resulted in a comic face plant at the bottom worthy of America’s Funniest Home Videos. (Don’t worry, aside from a couple of bruised knees, and a bruised ego, I was fine.)
Last year, my doctor increased my dosage of Dilantin, from 300mg a day to 400mg. I was to begin taking 100mg in the morning, in addition to the 300mg at night. I found it unnecessary, to a certain extent, in addition to finding difficult to add to my schedule, since I don’t wake at the same time every day. So I didn’t take the morning dose.
Having the extra medicine was helpful, because of the never-ending battle with insurance companies to cover my shit means I have a hard time scheduling doctor’s appointments. (I need to make one now, but can’t because I owe the full cost of my last visit, which I’m having difficulty paying. Last time I tried to pay, I was transferred three different times before I was put on hold and the line cut off. Joy.)
After the fall down the stairs, I decided to add the morning dose. I was interested to see if all of my partials would stop. I was also interested to see if I could get by with less sleep than I usually need.
The partials have stopped, but my body’s needs haven’t changed. I still need sleep. Yesterday, I was exhausted. I couldn’t stop yawning to save my life. No amount of caffeine had any effect. I kept nodding off at my desk. Near the end of my shift, I wondered if I could summon up enough energy to go to the gym.
As if responding to my question, my body sank deeper into drowsiness.
The answer was no.
Could I simply skip the gym, go home, and write a post for the next morning?
Nope, my body said. I imagined laying in my cozy, warm bed.
Fine then. I’ll skip the gym, skip writing, go straight to bed, and I’ll just wake up at a decent hour and write then.
There was no getting around it. I needed rest. I needed to recover. It’s perfectly fine to push myself, so long as I draw back every now and then so I can recover.
I know that, but it’s damn hard to accept–especially when I have so many new readers and commenters. I don’t want to disappoint.