I’m Not One of “Those Girls!”

Not that long ago I would tell any guy I met, at some point, that I wasn’t one of “those girls.”

Those six words, standing alone, are completely innocuous. They mean nothing. Put them in context, however, and it was a dog whistle. They told people that I was cool. I was laid back. I didn’t do drama. I didn’t gossip. I didn’t obsess over clothes and make-up and boys. Shit, I didn’t even own any make-up. I proudly told my guy friends I didn’t even know how to put it on.

I also proudly declared that I didn’t have a whole lot of female friends. Too much trouble, I said. Too much drama.

Those six words also told men (and other girls like me!) that they could freely trash women, and I’d more than likely jump right in.

I thought that I was cool–that my guy friends liked me better. Oh, I wouldn’t have told you that–that wasn’t a conscious thought. I would have said that I simply got on better with guys. It was just how I was.

Ugh.

I was full of self-hatred. Everything feminine about me, I despised. I wore sports bras exclusively. Skirts? Fuck that shit. Bright colors? Oh, no. That shirt would be cute…if it were black. My grandmother hated taking me clothes shopping.

What did all of this posturing, self-hatred, and degenerating of my own gender yield me? A few pats on the head from a bunch of assholes.Ooh, validation! From misogynistic jerks! Yay!

What did it cost me? A lot. My self-worth, for one. And a good many friendships.

Those days are behind me now, thankfully.I’m fortunate in that I call a good many of fabulous, brilliant, funny, passionate, beautiful women friend and sister.

Every time, whether we’re sharing a pot of tea, a pitcher of beer, running errands, cooking, or talking, happiness fills my chest until it spills over in a smile. There’s nothing quite like the bond between women.

It’s freeing to be able to discuss menstruation and get a knowing smile and shared experience in return. (Much better than a face wrinkled up in disgust and an obnoxious “EW!”)

It’s gratifying to burst in the door from a date and blurt out, “Oh my god, we were having sex and I QUEEFED, and I started laughing, and I COULDN’T STOP. Then it happened AGAIN and I went completely hysterical and he finally just rolled over I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.” and laugh together ’cause she totally knows how it is.

This? Is so much more fulfilling than not being “one of those girls.”It’s much more gratifying than condescending pats on the head.

I still can’t apply eyeliner to save my life, but now I have friends that are more than willing to help, should I get the urge.

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About Brittany-Ann
Brittany-Ann is a proud, self-identified feminist with fictional tendencies. She currently writes for LouisvilleKY.com and moderates at My Fault I'm Female. She smokes camels, reads Dumas, and navigates a conservative state as "one of them darn liberals."

6 Responses to I’m Not One of “Those Girls!”

  1. Pingback: Sunday Link Encyclopedia and Self-Promotion « Clarissa's Blog

  2. Yup, I used to do this as well. I learned the other day that it’s actually got a name: “Treehouse climbing”, because women who do it climb on top of other women in order to reach for a ladder up to some exclusive “no girls allowed” treehouse, with hopes that they’ll be granted entry.

    • Brittany-Ann says:

      Interesting. I didn’t know it had a term, either.

      I’m curious. To this day, I still find self hesitating when it comes to doing feminine-coded things–buying make-up, for instance, and cooking. I’m not entirely comfortable bra shopping, and I believe it’s a holdover from my treehouse climbing days. Have you had this experience as well?

      • Oh yeah, I’ve had those moments. I love going to LUSH and Sephora, but sometimes I’ll have these moments of “Dear G-d if my friends see me like this…” (referring to man “friends” I’ve since then moved on from) But then I laugh and think “Too bad, I’m having more fun without them!”
        I’m still slightly insecure about it, but it gets better with time. Back in the beginning I was very adamant about sticking to some “principles” about make-up and other things I perceived as feminine traps, but having a girlfriend who needed to learn about make-up and feminine things from scratch helped me embrace them. 🙂

  3. Pingback: Single Women Don’t Vote Enough? « A Bookish Beemer

  4. Pingback: Global Feminist Link Love: March 10-16

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