Another Day, Another Fucking Partial

Partial seizures are the bane of my existence. They’re worse, even, than grand mals. Partials disrupt my day. They mean spilled coffee. Half my medication, flung all over the room. Food on the floor. Sore knuckles. Maybe even a scraped knee.

Following that is the heavy silence. The silence that, depending on the audience of my performance, is filled with shock and fear, or judgment.

“Oh my god, what was that?!”

“Look at you, thinking you can live a normal life. What did you do this time? Look what happened. You shouldn’t even try. Now I’ve got to deal with this.“

That’s what I hear in the silence. It never fails. And every time it makes me angry. My hands shake as I try to clean up, go on eating, or do whatever it was I was doing. That silence never let’s me go on with my day.

And inevitably, because I’m tense and angry and stressed, it happens again. Another mess. Another bruised knuckle, or wasted morsel of food.

And another round of silence that judges me.

At this point, I usually leave the room. Sometimes I try to nap. Other times I go off alone to smoke a cigarette, closing my eyes and concentrating on my breathing.

Either way the day is ruined.

At least when I have a grand mal, I’m too occupied to hear that silence.

Fun Stuff: New Toy!

Over the weekend, I got a new phone. This is the first time that I’ve gone shopping explicitly for one that will enable me to blog easily-and so far I’m pretty pleased. This is my first post from my new phone-an Android myTouch.

It’s definitely different from my old Blackberry, that’s for sure. What say you? Do you blog from your phone? What do you use?

One Thing I’ve Noticed

The Occupy protesters have been corralled, beaten, maced, and arrested in huge numbers.

They are unarmed.

The Tea Party protesters were not.

They carried Rugers on their hips and slung AKs over their backs.

Hmm.

Why I Do Not Support the Police

Or rather, part of why I do not join the ranks of those who presume that police and our court system are always right, are always just, are always on the side of the innocent, freedom, peace, and justice for all–is exemplified in these two stories.

Topeka, Kansas Halts Prosecution of Domestic Violence cases, City Council considering repealing city ordinance against domestic violence to save money

Financial Giants Puts New York City Cops on Their Payroll

These articles are speaking of different aspects of our judicial system–but when put together, the message is clear. Women aren’t important. Justice isn’t important. Maintaining the status quo, protecting the wealthy and powerful, silencing and punishing those who dare to speak out–that is what’s important.

So I will not presume that police will protect me from violence. I will not presume that our court system condemns the criminal and frees the innocent.

The sooner the people put these pieces of the puzzle together, the better.